It’s a really interesting time for all of us on the planet right now.
We just went through a Thanksgiving holiday in the US that I witnessed as an international gratitude week.
I was blown away by the level of desire to be present for others, to express thanks openly and unabashedly, on all forms of social media.
It became a week of hope, alliances and support. And, it didn’t matter if you lived in the US or not.
Permission to be happy was given to all!
Yet, as this is happening, our COVID numbers are rising dramatically. All over the world. And it’s like we are all experiencing a bit of PTSD.
Spring time quarantine measures resurfacing, hospitals being forced to consider alternate options for care if needed, limited visits to your own doctors’ offices, wiping down of all groceries and packages continued and escalated for many….people you love getting sick and COVID cures are still remote.
This is all really hard.
Most of us have established routines by now, nine months into this COVID reality.
Those routines give us peace of mind and a sense of security.
Whether that is where you place your masks, where you wash your hands/sanitize when you come home, how you wipe down surfaces in your homes, where the groceries go when they arrive home and how you put them away, who you meet and where you feel safe enough to walk in your neighborhood, what you eat for comfort, how you get your physical activity, what makes you stay calm and what your mode of self care is.
I mention these simply because I know the holiday season is a difficult one for many in a non-COVID year, let alone a COVID year. I want to recognize that and acknowledge that you may need a special lift.
In my years both as a doctor and a human seeking my own truths, I have discovered what works for me to chill out.
It is critical for me to be able to have people in my tribe who I can call and know they will be there. Writing and art are my major forms of therapy-I have journals for everything I need to break down to write about (when I die, someone will have a field day with my life)! Having a laugh with my son and family. Listening to music loud enough that my son thinks the neighbor will break down our walls! Dance my ass off! Reading. Meditating. Skin care routines. Organizing…and then re-organizing what I just organized. And losing what I put away! Rituals-lots of incense, candles, essential hi oils, smudging, chanting, intention setting, releases.
I ask that you figure out what your comforts are, if you haven’t already. And then own them. Even if it’s something you think others’ won’t understand. It doesn’t matter! I danced half naked today-and I loved it!
In this process of surrender to the Universe to hold us all, I keep my faith to find love alive. As you know, I joined a matchmaking site and also met that fabulous man, simultaneously (who I will be meeting next week)!
Well, Murphy’s Law brought that man to me the day after I signed up with the matchmaker. Go figure! One of my friends pointed out that perhaps he wouldn’t have shown up if I hadn’t forked over all that money-because to do that, I had to let go of attachment to Bumble and anyone I was talking to.
We all need to remember that what we hold on to, doesn’t get to breathe.
In six days my son will be seventeen. SEVENTEEN! WTF (read-my initial reaction)?! How did 17 years go by already?
I used to hear parents say that the time will fly, enjoy him.
I heard them, I enjoyed every nanosecond with my son, and still do, but I didn’t think they were right. I didn’t believe the time would go by that quickly. He was only 2!
They were right.
His growth has happened in front of my eyes, by my side.
He has been my best friend the whole time.
He gave me life-as one of my patients mentioned today.
I may have literally given birth to him, but he gave me breath again. He reframed my entire life and gave it a new purpose and a meaning that was larger than anything I could have imagined.
I have spent this week worrying about December 8th and that he is one year away from being a major, an independent adult on record, getting ready for College. All of that is really hard for me to admit out loud without crying, so you are the first ones to hear me say these things.
I need to, because I realize I am holding on too tightly. That I need to let go.
He and I have a special bond that will never change, no matter where he goes. He will always be the little baby I held in my arms when he was born and smiled (I swear, he smiled at a few minutes of age). But he will also be the boy who grew into a young man who is woke, happy, emotionally intelligent, responsible, caring, confident, loyal, determined, sincere, politically and socially aware and an advocate for all human rights.
I see what surrender has created.
When my ex-husband left us (my son was 3 weeks old at that time), I surrendered to the Universe, to God, that I get all the tools I need to raise my baby to be happy. That was the only goal I had for him.
And he is.
So this week I will witness my son getting larger wings to fly. And as he learns to fly, I am as well. I am growing up too, and becoming the woman I was meant to be. Empowered, owning my truths, manifesting what I want in life and unafraid to be authentic. On his birthday, I will celebrate two lives-his and mine. Because he gave life back to me.