Remember that one thing I was missing…and waiting for?
And it was MAGICAL!!
It was magical with all the prose of romantic poetry and movie shots of the anticipation that leads up to that first kiss.
Our first kiss actually started in our minds 8 weeks ago and every day since. A part of me wondered if the real thing could actually be as good as my imagination led it to be.
And it was better!
Our electricity begins from a distance, so when we are in each other’s spheres, the tingling is even more intense. I feel excited in a way I haven’t before. And it’s not all sexual, either. It’s a desire to really get close. In all the ways humans can get close.
For our date we decided to sit in a hammock together. It was my intention to get us as close as we could in public without getting kicked out of a park. It worked. It was hard (pun intended) but no one threw us out!
This new way of exploring love for myself is really working.
As you know from reading my previous posts, in the past it didn’t take me very long to take everything off. This is a new pace for me. I think all those get-naked experiences built up my confidence to keep the clothes on this time around.
I have to thank COVID-19 for that. I wouldn’t have had any reason to change course if there wasn’t something huge glaring in my face.
So, we got into the hammock, spent 1 hour talking, staring at each other, hands touching and feeling immediate connections to all my chakras-I was lit up.
Eventually we changed positions and faced each other, still talking. Looking into each others eyes. My brain wondering when will he fucking kiss me, already?
I decided I wouldn’t make the first move-I’ve done that way too many times.
Finally I heard him say ‘I want to kiss you’…and in all my romantic ways I said ‘then’?
Really?? That’s ALL I could manage? (this is that part of the movie where the humor takes over the romantic build up).
Then the magic happened.
He came over to me, our lips met and it was ‘pow’.
I went above the stratosphere into a universe I hadn’t discovered yet. In a blissful state of chemical connection with this beautiful man and didn’t remember that I was in a hammock on earth. As far as I was concerned we were two people intertwined with each other like energetic beings who were enveloped in a love that could transport us to another dimension.
We stayed like that for hours. Literally. It was the best feeling and I wanted to stay there forever.
But we had responsibilities to attend to, so we pressed pause. We giddily kept looking at each other, holding hands, walking and talking back to our individual worlds.
Now that I’m not with him, physically, as I write this, I realize the power of this connection we call love.
It creates a revitalization. I already was happy as a baseline, prior to meeting him. Now I have a new level of optimism. The delivery of what I’ve been waiting for, in the shape of a man with the heart I hoped would exist, renews my belief in the power of the mind.
We can shape our realities. If we truly, authentically desire and strive toward something, it can become ours. Whatever that may be. For me, I wanted to find love. Ever since I saw Aladdin, heard ‘Somewhere Out There’ and watched my parents stay in love throughout their lives together, I believed that could be mine, too.
It just took me a few decades to get to a place where I could define what I wanted.
We need to be broken by life a bit to really see the truth. Our own truths. And each one of us has a different need and will have a unique journey. Not one of us will travel the same path.
No one could have imagined my life would end up where it has so far and if I was told when I was a kid, what I would experience as an adult, I probably would have looked incredulous.
The gift of life is it keeps giving. Take everything it gives as an intentional experience and enjoy the beauty and the pain in it. Nothing is worth it if it doesn’t hurt a bit. Like my Aunt used to tell me when I had my legs waxed the first time! She was right-it hurt like hell but the skin was super soft afterward!
Wax away all the shit that you have in your life and allow the beauty to come out! I thank my boyfriend for this new excitement, the electrifying experiences I’ve already had with him and his appreciation of my beauty-within and without.