This past week has brought huge realizations in my life. The biggest one being one of sexual fluidity.
So many of us are raised in cultures that put expectations on us-how we behave, what we should or shouldn’t say, what to think.
For thousands of years humans have tried to leave their imprints on the planet. Some of that is through offspring. Hoping that the future generations will carry lessons you thought were important.
That’s the ego speaking.
If you truly loved your offspring, you wouldn’t want them to do/be anything other than what he/she was. Without putting your influence onto them.
However, we do find our own identity in others, too. Not only relatives, but friends, acquaintances, colleagues.
It’s a part of being able to communicate effectively. Language is our mode of delivering messages to another. It’s why our kids learn world languages in school-not only because of brain development but also in the hope that they’ll use it to express themselves with others.
So why is it so hard to understand people speaking in the same language about their own sexual identity?
I think it’s because all of us are mirrors for everyone in front of us. What we reflect is what another sees in themselves. If he/she doesn’t like how that feels, they will fight what is presented to them.
Sexuality is something that has been misunderstood for hundreds of years.
It’s a taboo topic in most societies. Families don’t know how to talk about it with their kids. People shy away from the real words that describe our body parts and enamor them with cute names instead.
The crazy thing is that every single human being is on this planet because someone somewhere had an egg and a sperm that collided-even if it wasn’t during sex, it was a merging somewhere.
And with that comes the expression of what that sexual experience looks like. It’s not the same for everyone. It’s wrong for us to expect that everyone does the same thing…missionary and all heterosexual is just not what our planet is made up of. Not knocking that-I like missionary just fine, but that’s not all I like.
That’s what I discovered this week…
…I like women!
…I am a BISEXUAL QUEEN and I am not ashamed to announce it out loud!!
I didn’t know this about myself until a few days ago. It hit me like a breath of fresh air…witnessing myself in the awe of a beautiful woman who enraptured me. Her aura, presence, eyes, smile, symbol of strength and grace…all in a micro-minute.
I never felt this way about a woman before. There was no way I could deny the truth-in that moment I was captivated by a woman…and till today, still am.
Since that day I have shared this with a few people and I’ve got some amazing responses to my new revelation.
The best was from my mom-‘I don’t fully understand this, but I will always support what you choose to do’.
Seriously, my mom is a GODDESS. She’s 71 and was young at a time when women were not sexually liberated…yet, she’s able to travel with me to these places…even though she has little concept of what I’m talking about.
Then my son’s priceless words ‘It’s about time. I wondered when that would happen! You always said life would be so much easier if you were attracted to women!’
A friend’s awesome immediate response ‘Best of both worlds! Lucky you!’ WOOHOOO!!!!! YES….
And another ‘It kind of makes sense…what you want in a relationship, etc’…
I know I’ve been searching for a spiritually conscious relationship in a man for a really damn long time, but perhaps that has been a limited search…leaving half of the available population out, simply based on gender.
The more I do this internal work on self love and acceptance, the closer I get to the realization that it’s not about who I love. It’s just about love. The idea of loving all.
Connecting with another’s spirit is not pre-determined by their gender/sexuality.
And if I really allow myself to break the self imposed barriers or society’s expectations of what I should be attracted to, I see that I can and do find all genders attractive. Because they all have something amazing to offer!
I don’t know if the woman who opened my heart will end up sharing space with me in real life, but I sincerely hope we can explore that possibility together. The bigger message, though, is it’s not about dating or getting it on with anyone. It’s about my identifying that I can feel like this. I can be turned on by a woman and a man. That free love is a concept we should bring back and everyone should get their freak on. From within and then out!