My question for the week-is it possible for you to be friends with someone you dated before?
I have a number of friends who are able to do this but I don’t seem to have that capacity.
From the countless numbers of dates I have been on, the number of friends I have from them: ZERO!!!
I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s related to the reason we’re not dating any longer…maybe it’s because once I’ve kissed you I can’t remove that image from my mind…maybe it’s because I don’t want a friend…maybe I have good boundaries…or maybe I’m just not that nice (I really don’t think that’s the reason, but I’m throwing all possibilities out there)!
The reason this is coming up-one of the men I dated last year reached out to me and asked for forgiveness and friendship. He totally pulled at my heart strings! I’m a big one for forgiveness and don’t hold on to anger/resentment. BUT I don’t want to be his friend when all I am going to be doing is help him feel happy. He needs a therapist (seriously) and I’m not signing up for that role. I would have no problem (I think) being a friend if he can really just be friends, but I don’t believe that’s his intention.
I’m most bothered that he’s being disingenuous. If he wants to ‘be friends’ to get it on, again, I’m not going to do that! He asked if I would be open to going on a trip and sharing a hotel room with him in the future-I’m sorry, but that’s him looking for somethin’ somethin’.
There is a purpose for every relationship.
There is also the question of how to get to that romantic relationship. The notion of being ‘friends first’ is something that is relatively new to me. In my past I haven’t made friends with a man and then become his girlfriend. Maybe that’s something that needs to change. Since I am off all the sites for online dating I’m imagining that’s the way to go now! BUT, again, it’s friends BEFORE dating not AFTER dating. On the other hand, if was able to be his friend before then perhaps I can be his friend after…maybe that’s the missing piece of this puzzle.
I really treasure my friendships and am grateful for the ones I have. I work hard to keep my friendships strong and eventually they become effortless. Friendships thrive when you’ve put enough love and time into them. I will need to explore this new avenue with men and see if a friendship can come from dating and get to that ‘effortless’ place or not.
When I’ve gone on a date with a man the expectations are completely different. On a date, I want to explore if there’s chemistry, if we are attracted to each other, if we can relate to each other in lifestyles and values that go beyond a casual conversation. If that man and I then find ourselves in a situation where we want to go on that journey and we try and fail, I haven’t been able to pick up a friendship after that. Am I alone in that? I see a new ‘Project Diana’…creating friends from dating…before or after…or neither…STAY TUNED!