It has been one incredible week and I have so much to share with all of you, I really don’t where to start! The theme for the week has been creating safe spaces to be present.
In all my interactions as I grow and become more authentic, I realize the need to acknowledge who my audience is and to ensure I’m going to be heard.
I may not be understood. But I want to be witnessed.
One of the important lessons I’m really starting to experience is being seen. Not to be given advice. Simply to have someone to listen.
Friends and family tend to think you need direction or recommendations when you feel upset/sad/confused/angry. On the contrary, most of the time all we need is a sounding board. Just to have someone hold space for us to cry/scream/talk.
I call that a healing space. A safe container.
As I have gotten over the most recent love (I am proud to say I am officially free in my heart and mind of him), I see it was mostly due to my ability to express myself to whomever was able to be present for me.
We don’t have to be alone in our shit. We need to celebrate the recognition of things that are dark and ugly as much as those that are shiny and bright within us. That’s how we heal.
Whether it was here on this blog, on the phone with family or friends, receiving a healing from my spiritual shaman, doing my Layla Martin or MMM magic, they all followed the same tenets.
I was being witnessed, no one was trying to fix anything and as a result, I felt liberated.
As I was recognizing this theme, I also noticed how we may look at this as avoidance, since we aren’t asking anyone to change something for us.
But it’s really anything but avoidance. It’s accepting the way things feel and are. Then it’s allowing ourselves to integrate with how that feels. What is that doing for us? Physically, emotionally, mentally, energetically, spiritually. What do we need to sit with and what do we need to address?
It was a patient that made me see this. She has felt enormously better simply by opening herself up to talking with a few friends after I suggested she start sharing what she was feeling rather than keeping it inside.
That process sounds so simple.
It’s anything but simple.
It requires becoming vulnerable, opening up and hoping you’ll be accepted and not rejected. There is a huge amount of trust involved.
Support groups work because people feel heard and recognized. They realize they are not alone in their experiences. That’s a form of validation. Her work to talk with her friends gave life to her feelings and they started to emote. The process of healing began.
But she also said she thought she was avoiding things by doing this. The fact that all she was doing was talking didn’t resonate with her. How was that going to shift her approaches to things in her mind without a medicine? She eventually understood that she was asking herself and her friends to be present. To allow herself to be and not judge her emotions. It’s okay to be fearful and anxious as much as it is to be happy and excited.
We really need to celebrate all our spectrum of emotions as humans.
Something really huge happened to me last week that shows how important it is to accept all of those emotions.
I was asked to celebrate myself in one of my groups (I’m in two amazing groups of women learning different things about ourselves-one is all about sex, love and relationships with Layla Martin-I’m getting trained to become a coach about that juicy stuff-and another is about abundance and the magic of it-both of these groups are lighting me up) after I announced my name on this blog.
That wasn’t something I was used to doing. I was raised being told bragging was unbecoming.
But what I’m learning is that bragging is owning yourself.
Bragging has a negative connotation, like a lot of other words in our culture. I’m changing my mindset to react differently to those terms (slut, pussy, wild woman, pleasure, sex, desire, to name a few).
Why should we feel guilty about having human desires or wanting pleasure?
The way our society has created expectations or norms has resulted in anxiety on so many levels about what to say and how to act that many of us are paralyzed.
As a result of the struggle that I experienced to celebrate my achievement, I dug deep into the depths of my past and came across a lot of painful realizations. Once I tapped into them, they could be released and the feeling of being stuck dissolved.
I felt free and ready to brag some more. And there was no laced guilt with it. No shame.
And another huge discovery happened this week, as well.
I realized the way I felt with my ex-BF was never about him.
I found out that I am an energetic sexual being (there are four types, in case you’re curious-energetic/sensual/sexual/shapeshifter-www.missjaiya.com) and I can give myself orgasms simply by feeling the energy around me.
When I found that out I was the happiest I could be! It wasn’t the man that made me feel good! It was me. I made myself feel good. Which means I can feel like that 1000000000 times again with any one else I choose! It was never about him.
Talk about serious liberation!
We are living in a world that has more uncertainty than we are used to. We have a virus we can’t control, political upheavals all over the world we don’t understand, inequality and inequity that is unjust. We don’t need to add to that. We need to come together as a planet, as a world, as a human race and accept each other. We need to allow all of us to express as we choose and be who we are. We need to grow into the adults we want our kids to become. We need to honor ourselves and our truths. Most importantly we need to not judge ourselves or others. Peace within and without can only happen if we accept everyone as they are. You may not agree with a single word on this post today and if you don’t, I welcome it! We have to create a world where speaking up is okay. So, go on, speak up and tell me what is on your mind. I’m finding my voice! Please give me yours!