I have tried really hard not to feel jaded during this roller coaster ride and so far I have been successful, but it’s damn tiring work to do!!
Like this man I was waiting for a call from, remember? Yeah, he didn’t call…at least not the way I want him to. A call for five minutes telling me he is going to call me back to talk, and doesn’t, is NOT a conversation. I am holding out because I really like him. But I did say I am done chasing him! And I do mean it. There’s an expected call today…
It’s hard not to feel annoyed and then jaded as a result. This isn’t the first time I am dealing with poor communication skills. This seems to be a particularly difficult thing to get around and the more I do this, the stronger my skills get so the harder it continues to become!! But I have no doubt my communicator is out there.
I think communication is the most important part of a relationship. How can I know what he wants and vice-versa, unless we talk about it? I haven’t received the degree in mind-reading yet…though I have submitted my application to God!
What form of communication, is next. Texting is convenient but not ideal for more than 50 characters (and I know I push that limit all the time)! Speaking to each other is the best form of communication-phone call or in person. But it seems like a lot of us are avoiding that. As if the phone call will polarize us and we will disintegrate. I will persist, though. That phone call, that voice…I want to be serenaded by the depth of a sexy voice!
I enjoy the romanticism of getting to know each other-being courted, flirting, teasing, laughing at each others’ silliness and having intellectually stimulating conversations (I am definitely a sapiosexual) over a phone! The high of connection is like a drug…and when you bring kissing into that, I get lost!
On the spectrum of behaviors that would make me jaded, this one isn’t that bad, at all. I have been ghosted, catfished, leered at, made to feel objectified, subjected to the domination of a man electronically and in person, being a victim of abuse of all kinds. Most of those would have driven me to jade myself but I am not jaded because I hold on to hope. I have faith that if I don’t give up I will find what I am looking for…because I don’t want to be a number (a number of the women who have given up on love). I need to believe. It’s my life force to believe in love. I won’t let myself get jaded!
Instead, I am more definite. More clear. I don’t tolerate abuse. I expect respect. I ask for what I want. I know I am desirable. I know my worth. I am honest and an open communicator.
I try really hard to stay positive about this dating process which really can be exhausting. There are days my eyes feel like they need to come out of their sockets and lie in their own beds. But for now, I am keeping them inside their orbits. I get into bed at night and close my eyes like the rest of the world and ask for the dreams that life is made of, to awaken and find that I already am living that dream. Grateful. And hopeful. Always hopeful.