I am back to online dating!
I’ve gone to the place of acceptance that our new reality is online dating again!
I reflect on how I was so ready to get out into the world in Jan/Feb, to see men in real life situations and left online dating. And as most things in life, the Universe dealt me a different hand!
I gravitated toward the world of zoom-meet ups and the 5 min dating experiences. I tried it all over the past 4 months.
But it left me frustrated since I saw it wasn’t taking me where I wanted to go. I wasn’t meeting the right kind of people.
I had to accept that online dating was going to have to come back into my world, if I wanted to meet someone.
I considered what it would be like to take a pause.
That could mean I’d wait for 2 years or so… and I am not one to hold off on living life. Two years of waiting to find someone is like spending two years in a hole. I want to love and be loved now.
So, I decided to see what the online world was offering to the physical distancing mandates on our planet. And it’s pretty neat, actually.
A lot of platforms have set up criteria that ask about your comfort in dating during our pandemic-social distancing dates, virtual dates, regular dating.
They have in-app video and calls, so you don’t have to share your number. There are also new platforms that have designed games as ways to break ice.
So, I chose to Bumble!
It’s an easy app. I remember it from last year as a good choice for women-we get to make the first move. It’s simple and concise.
I thought a lot about what the profile should be about this time around.
Honest, of course. It has to have humor. The photos need to tell my story-I know the images are what we really pay attention to online! They have to have sex appeal…but also be real.
The profile tells it like it is-my comfort level of dating being all virtual right now. I mention the pandemic and the reality of dating in it from my perspective (meaning that I want to find love despite it), the superpower I’d want-to blast COVID-19, fight off social injustices and prejudices.
It’s not all serious though-if someone finds snorting and laughing simultaneously amusing, they’ll love me!
And it’s been a great experience this time around!
I have finally met someone who’s soulful, kind, passionate and spiritually deep!!
But that didn’t happen at first.
Initially, I met a lot of men who were interested. They did what most do online-clicked my profile as ‘like’ but then they didn’t reply to my initial greeting.
That’s just curious to me. How many women are they looking at?
Or is it that this COVID-19 pandemic is creating a tailspin and they can’t find their way around dating in this chaos. I totally have sympathy for that and gave all of them long ropes.
So I kept going and patiently waited for the replies.
I ended up communicating with a few on the phone or messaged them. Then they became silent. I considered the difficulties of our lives right now and why they wouldn’t message back for several days, so I didn’t cut them off.
My son asked me why I was being so patient.
My explanation was that I signed up to date during a time when everyone’s lives have been turned upside down. On top of the regular stresses of dating I have to take into account that their jobs, homes, health-mental and physical may be taking a toll. That’s just not normal. So, if I don’t hold space for that I’d be really unhappy.
That rationale made sense to me.
But one week went by, so I had to tell off three of them. And I got three different responses.
One man was extremely upset and told me that name calling was verbal abuse.
Yes, name calling is, but I didn’t name call. I said it was cowardly not to tell me that he wasn’t interested. As far as I understand that is being upfront and mature about a situation. His ego was hurt.
Another one texted me back almost immediately, expressing his embarrassment and realization that he did what he doesn’t like others to do to him. He was apologetic and kind about it. Mature. I really appreciated that. And he came to the conclusion that he didn’t have the brain space to date right now.
The third just stayed as a ghost. And he was the one who was all in my business about sex…so he probably got off just talking about it! Definitely don’t need that!
Which brings me to the man who has swept me off my feet!
In a pandemic I have met a man who is kind, compassionate, spiritually developed, enjoys being playful and serious, holds conversations with me looking at my eyes, sings to me with the most beautiful voice while strumming his guitar…I feel like I’m in a movie!
He and I have met three times in ten days-we’ve spent over 10 hours in video dates and more than that in texting!
We’ve already cooked together, played music for each other, played jack box games, had coffee and tea…we’ve done more than we might have done in real face to face dates! And we have two more dates coming up this week.
I realize this is all happening in a bubble. That bubble can’t last forever. We talked about that yesterday. When would it be safe to meet. He has not suggested I meet with him without a mask (thank god)! I’ve already advanced through the dating process by meeting someone who gets this pandemic!
We really don’t know.
As doctors we don’t know when to advise that, either, without taking into account risks on both sides. I am still suggesting that my patients not travel and be careful with meeting others.
If I didn’t want to kiss him so badly, I would probably meet for a walk but when you really like someone it’s hard to stay afar!
So for today I’m enjoying the Bumble experience and am totally embracing the concept of living in the moment. Nothing can be planned for the future with a strong sense of confidence.
This is the work I’ve been doing. Trying to get to a point of receiving what is being delivered by the Universe without fighting it. Not feeling trapped, but instead liberated by what I choose to do and then enjoy the gifts that are showered as a result.
If this isn’t surrender, I don’t know what is.