So I really can’t make myself do it. Not with what I know.
I can’t take off the mask.
The date was supposed to be on Sunday and he refused to meet me with a mask on (as you know from the last post).
I have tried really hard to tap into my heart and trust enough to believe that I can be protected from the Universe and take the mask off and meet him, but I can’t do that yet.
I don’t know him.
The issue also is that he isn’t even budging a little.
I’ve offered more zoom until it’s safer and he refused. He doesn’t like the delays that come with zoom communication and that we actually have to wait for each other to speak (funnily, it was one of the things I liked about zoom, if you read a few posts earlier)!
I offered video dates playing jackbox games or cooking together.
He actually said he didn’t want to invest any more time into our relationship until he can see ‘all of me’.
I pointed out that he’s not going to be seeing all of me and he admitted, my body would not be naked, but he has to be able to at least see my face and body at a distance.
I totally get that. I want to see him, too. But I’m willing to work with the times.
Isn’t that what we all have to do right now?
A part of me wonders if I’m completely nuts for even trying to date in this pandemic.
I probably am.
But I want to live while my heart is beating and God only knows how long this will last-I don’t want to find myself still waiting, one year later!
And this won’t be the only time this issue comes up.
I know I’m not alone-many others are going through this, as well.
Not only with dating but also with re-uniting with family and friends. How parents feel differently about it with their kids. How my own patients feel about this.
Wearing a mask is not an acceptable norm. Not yet. (Though I really, honestly, wish it was)
But I get why.
People don’t enjoy feeling suffocated. You can’t speak for long periods of time without having difficulty breathing. Experiencing skin break outs like we are all teens again. Micro-expressions of the eyes are fascinating and all, but that beautiful smile so many of us love is hidden. You can’t eat or drink.
Hiding behind a mask is almost the mirror of the pandemic. The concept of hiding what you truly feel can now be seen as all of us are walking around hiding how we really dislike what we have to do in 2020.
But meeting this man without a mask is just not an option for me right now.
I researched the face shields-I actually think that’s a great idea-but it hasn’t been studied in enough detail yet to convince me that it’s a good alternative for long periods of time and definitely not as a substitute for a mask.
It could be a good option for a quick date, honestly, but considering his resistance to so much last week, I don’t want to do it. Despite the fact that I ordered them.
A school in Europe has actually started using them for their students and if I can find good research for it, I think it would be much better for our kids to be in school with face shields instead of masks. I will keep looking.
With the knowledge I have of what a mask does to prevent the spread of illness, even if neither of us have been sick yet, I can’t bring myself to be ready to meet with him, mask-less, and not do the same with my family and friends.
And honestly, it’s unfair of him to ask that of me.
It’s simply negating the reality we are living in and placing expectations on me before we have even begun.
If compromise can’t be created now, how can I expect it later?
My thoughts regarding masks and dating right now is to meet with a mask the first time.
See if the energy you share is really what the screens give-you don’t NEED the unmasked face to feel that.
Also, you could consider taking it off for a few min in between, if you feel ready, but it’s not an expected 1-2 hours of stressful unmasked time at a first date.
Then, if you really feel ready to commit to a serious relationship, you both talk about who you meet, what you do with your days and what the real risks are of spreading COVID to others and each other.
That’s when you’d think about taking off the mask.
At least that is my thought today.
And that very well could change tomorrow.
2 Replies to “It’s So Much More Than a Mask”
That stinks. on one hand, dont want to judge a book by its cover. But if he already knows what u look like, then why not accept the mask? He is a dumbass
Amen! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this! I think he was on a power trip. Since that post (I’m behind on catching up with another post), I told him as much and funny thing-he didn’t disagree. He’s one of those who wants what he wants. Like a kid in the candy store. He needs to find a different flavor now!
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