So I had my date-times two!
Our first date was on Monday-we talked for 1.5 hours on Face Time and it was awesome!
Despite the fact that I hardly knew him and all of this connection was through screens, it felt really natural…
…and he told me that we are in the age of video sex…phone sex is now passe!
We had such a good time that we scheduled our second date before we hung up-two days later we were going to ‘meet’ again.
After hanging up he texted me immediately-something I love and rarely happens-I assume since men seem to have issues with attachment after spending time with a woman.
He complimented me, told me I was sexy and I couldn’t help myself from telling him I was going to have a hard time not being able to kiss him (the last time I checked you can’t kiss through a phone).
I opened the door (virtually, of course). And he walked through. We were flirting and it was understood that our second date was going to end up like many of my real dates do.
Without clothes on.
But with a screen between us.
And it was HOT.
But before that happened we shared some real life with each other, real conversation. Genuine interest in each other. It all flowed so naturally as if we were in the same room.
Two hours later we both were ready to say good night-wishing I could cuddle-and what I noted is there was no mention of a third date.
In my experience, not a good sign.
That’s usually because the man got what he wanted.
And he’s not sure he wants to continue showing interest because that could rob him of his needed space. Get too close too soon and his freedom is gone.
Did I do it again? Give a guy what he wants too quickly and get rid of the anticipation? Probably.
But I really wanted that experience.
It was a first for me and the last time I checked, I was a grown up. I shouldn’t have to follow rules. I make up my own.
So now I realize that I have entered another test.
How to meet someone and not feel the attachment. I know I mentioned this in a previous post-how not to lose myself in a man.
This is one step beyond that.
This is recognizing I can get what I want, ask for what I need, know I am desirable and sexy.
Then I have to pull myself together and hold myself in deep self-love. Not just self love but so much recognition of what I bring to a relationship that I should not need or want him more than he needs or wants me.
My challenge has always been wanting more of him, whoever the man is at that time.
We’ve entered a world where COVID-19 has taken away our freedom to roam amongst one another and we need tech to connect to another.
I am determined to live well each minute that I have-whether it be during a pandemic or not. What’s the point of being alive if I don’t soak up all that I can from what is around me?
Every day I speak with patients and the reality hits me harder each time.
This pandemic is real, and it’s here for a while.
People are being affected every second and there is little we can really do to stop it other than stay away from each other and follow safe guidelines of hygiene in our living spaces.
I know I bring risk to my family simply by being out there in the clinic and the hospital seeing patients and testing but I hope that good karma follows us and my loved ones have a bubble around them to keep them safe.
I imagine our whole world in that bubble and there’s a shining pink and orange light around it keeping everyone safe from harm. That bubble is there but we have to follow the natural order of the universe.
This is the karmic evolution of our planet. We are inhabitants of it. Guests, so to speak. All guests need to go home, eventually. Maybe as guests our home is in spirit after our service ends.
While I sit here deliberating the life I am living through video sex and meeting this really neat new man who I may or may not see again, I realize the reason I met him was to feel alive.
Not that I didn’t feel alive before.
This is a different measure of being alive. The feeling of being a sexual being. That kundalini spark that is the initiation of all life.
Right now, when our foundations are shifting below us we need to find ways to stay connected to our roots and the ground.
I have lots of things to keep me happy in life-my family, friends, patients, art, music, dance, reading-the list is long-but the relationship piece with a man continues to remain empty.
I want that long term committed relationship but maybe this isn’t the time to create that. With all the insanity of the pandemic, who is going to be able to create that type of situation through FaceTime and Zoom?
I guess the other way of looking at it is on a real physical date we can be very distracted by our surroundings.
Now, it’s really only the person you are looking at on your phone/computer/other gadget and little else, since we are really home. I can show him my space, we can share a meal, play a game, share stories through our phones and engage really deeply.
Is it possible being that pointed with communication could create a commitment? Enough of a desire for the other to last through months of quarantine? I guess if it does, that would qualify as a really awesome relationship!
That’s the one I am looking for. If this man really thought I was beautiful, as he said the other day, then he really needs to chase me. I am not running after anyone-even if it’s through a pandemic.
Thank you soooo much Nat!!!! I’m loving my journey…it’s the best trip!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️
Celebrating you celebrating yourself 👏🏼🥳 Love that you’re going more inward with your inquiries. You’re on a wonderful journey 💕💕💕
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