I have returned to the world of the living in the online dating universe! One ova looking for that one sperm…read on and you will understand!

Last week I decided enough time had passed since my breakup. I felt ready to get back in and play. I felt strong. More self aware and sure of myself, as all these relationships should help us become. I wanted to see what would be delivered to me this time around.

So, I got online, set up my profile and sat back to watch the show…

Of course, as Murphy’s Law would have it, that night our state became a red one. Not politically, thank god, but in regards to COVID-19. More cases and deaths declaring it more unsafe to socialize…

…great timing, Meena!

So it was going to be another virtual dating experience!

Now that I’ve done it once before, I’ve become a bit of an expert on the matter.

Yes, the relationship broke up and all, but I don’t consider that failure. Some may, but I look at it as my personal journey of how much fun I had…until it stopped being fun!

Over the span of a few min after posting my profile, I started speaking with a bunch of interesting men…and I noticed something very different about myself this time around.

I am more direct about what I want. I am not scared to tell a man that I have needs.

If you remember, my ex-BF said I was ‘too needy’. I might have figured that one out.

I asked for what I wanted from him, sexually. In general, I don’t think men are used to that (not meant to generalize or stereotype-that is just a general observation). In my past experience they like to be in the driver’s seat.

When a woman is that upfront about what she wants, it can be surprising and a bit intimidating.

I know we all have our own personal cultures and then there’s societal culture and expectations. I have talked about this before.

I am witnessing so many women pushing the envelope, breaking down walls, speaking up and owning their feminine goddesses within. I see men doing the same thing, as well, from a different perspective-they are owning their feelings and emotions, allowing themselves to express.

I am one of those women who refuse to follow old traditions that don’t serve us, as females and as humans. Why shouldn’t I ask for what I want? And if a man can’t handle that, he’s not the man I want, anyway.

So, I expressed my needs early on, for several reasons.

I wanted to establish an elevated baseline for myself. A place I would start from with men that was at a higher plane. That’s my growth-to speak up and not be apologetic for having needs. I will confidently ask and declare!

I also wanted to make it crystal clear what a relationship meant to me and what I was looking for. Passion, spiritual connection, sexual chemistry, friendship. All of it.

One man said ‘women always want everything, LOL’.

Umm…yeah? So? What’s wrong with that?! We should want everything!

Another man was very interested and intrigued (as I still am with him) but he honestly told me he wasn’t sure he could meet my ‘high’ needs.

That gave me pause.

Two men referred to my asking for a sexual relationship as having needs they were uncomfortable with.

The stereotype is that men usually make the first move. It could simply be that these two men symbolize the resistance that we as women meet with as we harness our inner strength.

Also, I wonder if my establishing sexual boundaries early on is the equivalent of being a Dom (I’m not into BDSM, yet…so if this is, then how interesting…)! That could create an inner battle for men if they misunderstand my intentions or who I am.

This led me to another reflection. Conception. The Ova and the Sperm. Of note, I was speaking with a patient as this theory hit me-where most of my incredible musings happen.

Literally, millions of sperm swim through the vaginal canal to find that one single queen. The OVA. That ova takes her time to choose the one sperm she decides is good enough to penetrate her corona radiata.

Why is it that on the planet of walking humans we see the relationship of man to woman so differently? We forget we were queens to begin with. We look at men like they are the singular sperm.

So, without making this more lopsided than it already is, to place men and women at polar opposites on a spectrum, and apologies to anyone reading who may be offended by what I’m saying, I am owning my queendom.

I have no regrets of starting off strong and being authentic with what I want in and from a relationship.

I am looking for the one sperm among the millions (I hopefully don’t need to get to millions of dates, but who knows)! I know I’m getting closer. I feel it. I’m excited to be me, in all my sexuality, sensuality and freedom of expression.

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