The phrase ‘lean on me’ is inspiring a whole new approach to my life!
I have always been enamored by partner dancing. As a young girl I’d dream of being swept away in an embrace by a man on the dance floor and feel the rhythm exchange between the two of us.
Thirteen years ago I discovered Salsa dancing and was able to make my dream come true!
But I realized something early on. I couldn’t follow.
It was really obvious and very painful!
For both the guy and myself…no matter who I was dancing with, it kept happening.
I would predict the next move and miss the signals of when to turn, step forward/to the side…stepping into him, onto his feet, getting caught turning the wrong direction!
And I’m a good dancer…really! But you’d never know if you were watching me back then!
Then it hit me. I have always led.
I never surrendered to follow. I couldn’t. I was in a marriage that was abusive and if I let my guard down, I’d be dead right now.
So. I had to learn how to follow. And the dance floor served as my classroom.
Life is amazing.
So, I thought I had this all figured out…
Yeah…right! Not so fast, there, Meena.
As you know, I’ve been working on sitting with the feminine energy of receiving and being. Allowing life to unfold without forcing it to go a particular way. Allowing to be led.
Then I had this photo shoot.
Last week, I signed up for a photo shoot.
It was an opportunity I took to improve the pictures I was posting on my online dating profile. But by the time I decided to actually do the shoot, my reasons for it had changed.
It wasn’t about the profile anymore.
I had just been rejected by that guy two weeks ago and I needed to fill myself with some serious self-love to avoid going down a familiar rabbit hole.
And the photo shoot served as the perfect opportunity to SHINE AND SPARKLE! @chrissy
I am so happy I did the shoot.
Not only did I have an amazing time…it was a gorgeous day and I learned another life lesson.
I can’t lean.
Apparently I can’t lean against walls/fences.
At least, not without looking awkward. Sort of like I’m trying to hug it and avoid it at the same time.
My photographer was intuitive enough to realize I had issues with dirt and germs, so posed that as a rationale for my weird positioning. But as we kept taking photographs I came up with another explanation.
I don’t lean on men.
He had asked me to lean into the fence and wall as if I was being supported by a guy.
Well, I never have been.
So, how can I relate to that, except for cerebrally?
Therefore the bizarre appearance of fence and wall rejection. I had to act as if it was a familiar experience. I appreciate what actors and actresses have to do every day. Becoming something they aren’t is not easy!
At the end of it, I couldn’t do it.
And I really tried!
But we did have a great conversation about his thoughts around how great it feels as a man to know his partner needs him and relies on him. That is the biggest turn on for him.
I see all these messages as coming from the Universe telling me to let go. Allow the men to come to me, hold me and take care of me.
Like I have been working on.
But I don’t have to work on it.
It simply is. BE and lean a little.
So, the next day two big things happened.
I signed up for a matchmaking service!
Clearly online dating is not working and I need something new. Something where the work is done for me and all I have to do is show up.
And, I scheduled a boudoir photo shoot. To really fall in love with myself.
As I say, “The best love affair I’m having is with myself”. And I am leaning in…come on my King…give me your shoulder…I’m ready to lean on you.